Hello

I am trying to understand how I can really have relationships with others.  I have built a life of constant movement and work and not enough dwelling.  Busyness is my disease.  I have just listened to a sermon about how small we really are compared to this massive piece of existence.  I have developed such a god complex, which seems ridiculous as I even write these words.  I know that prior to my re-birth having such a complex wasn't right but it wasn't all that unusal.  I have always had such a lack of fear that it has bordered on pychotic.  This had always led me to take risks that were a pattern of escalation, as any addictive personality will do.  The next 'fix' must be a little more that the last and the next interim brings a little more angst, malaise or even depression than the last.  Then came along Jesus and the changes were tremedous, not all at once and not altogether but significant, none the less. This is where I lay confused and desiring to be held by God.  I know and I feel that He will and that where I will sit my trust. On the other hand, I then try to outdo God.  I need to 'risk' all the time to make sure that I am good enough for God; that I am worthly to be His child. This statement come from within and is contrary to all that I truly believe.  What a struggle?! I know that I am only forgiven by Grace and not works but I also know that Faith without works is dead.  This tension can be exhausting but it also can be exhilirating.  I think that I desire for peace in a broad sense but don't know how to really articulate that, now.  Anyway, back to the salt mines.