Another day another dolla holla holla
Hey,
I wonder what is the phenomenum of blogging. Its is like I want to be speaking with someone but I don't know who. I want someone to read this but I am not sure who. If I knew I would just go ahead and write them and if I wanted it to be to myself than I would put out there for others to read. Why do I have this desire to share my feeelings with those I cannot see and in reality very few people will ever read anything that I write but I feel compelled tio keep doing it. I have always enjoyed writing especially putting my thoughts to paper (or more accurately to screen) This was true before and after my rebirth. The process of thinking, typing, backspacing is very cathartic. On another note, I think that consistency, which is so essential for children and pratically everyone is my weakest point. I find that I do not like it; I do not like it. I am way to often looking to move on to the next thing. Be still; be still I tell myself. Find peace. Peace can never be circumstantial, it must be constant. There we are again. I need consistency to be at peace. Not in the convential sence but in the deep internal eternal perspective. I desire to be at that place but I ususally don't find myself there. Today, I feel that I think of my life's work and what does it mean. I always tell myself that I work for Jesus and Jesus alone. However, today I am upset and have been losing my cool on a regular basis at work because this year end has been long and arduous. But has it really? My boy, Anthony, 13, told me 'Dad, its tax season, it will be over soon' Does he have a better perspective than me? It has been about eight, maybe nine weeks of long hours and weekends but is that really all that long? Back in the day, I would work like that for months on end (although I didn't have a family) I keep thinking that this can't be it, this is not what I going to do for the rest of my life. But why, other times I really enjoy my work. I enjoy learning new things, speaking with those I would never get a chance to if I wasn't at this job at this time. I doing this all for Jesus! Am I? I would think that I could have a little more grace, a little more perspective, a little more cool, a little more warmth, a little more understanding, a little more FAITH. Lord, I want that faith, I want it now. I know that You are real and You are with me and You are the lamp unto my feet. Lord take away the angst that I feel. But as always and forever. Let me do Your Will; NOT MINE!! Search my heart Lord and show me my inequities so that I can deal with them with the Power of the Holy Spirt. Breathe in, breathe out. Walk towards the way of the Christ. Listen to those who are speaking. Lay down my agenda and find where I can live out the truth, Today, Now, Now, Now, Now. Not later when I have a little more of all those things I want, that I want, Today I can hold someone's hand; today I can say thank you, today I can say I love you. I do. I do. I do. Love you all, especially a girl named Kristen.
I wonder what is the phenomenum of blogging. Its is like I want to be speaking with someone but I don't know who. I want someone to read this but I am not sure who. If I knew I would just go ahead and write them and if I wanted it to be to myself than I would put out there for others to read. Why do I have this desire to share my feeelings with those I cannot see and in reality very few people will ever read anything that I write but I feel compelled tio keep doing it. I have always enjoyed writing especially putting my thoughts to paper (or more accurately to screen) This was true before and after my rebirth. The process of thinking, typing, backspacing is very cathartic. On another note, I think that consistency, which is so essential for children and pratically everyone is my weakest point. I find that I do not like it; I do not like it. I am way to often looking to move on to the next thing. Be still; be still I tell myself. Find peace. Peace can never be circumstantial, it must be constant. There we are again. I need consistency to be at peace. Not in the convential sence but in the deep internal eternal perspective. I desire to be at that place but I ususally don't find myself there. Today, I feel that I think of my life's work and what does it mean. I always tell myself that I work for Jesus and Jesus alone. However, today I am upset and have been losing my cool on a regular basis at work because this year end has been long and arduous. But has it really? My boy, Anthony, 13, told me 'Dad, its tax season, it will be over soon' Does he have a better perspective than me? It has been about eight, maybe nine weeks of long hours and weekends but is that really all that long? Back in the day, I would work like that for months on end (although I didn't have a family) I keep thinking that this can't be it, this is not what I going to do for the rest of my life. But why, other times I really enjoy my work. I enjoy learning new things, speaking with those I would never get a chance to if I wasn't at this job at this time. I doing this all for Jesus! Am I? I would think that I could have a little more grace, a little more perspective, a little more cool, a little more warmth, a little more understanding, a little more FAITH. Lord, I want that faith, I want it now. I know that You are real and You are with me and You are the lamp unto my feet. Lord take away the angst that I feel. But as always and forever. Let me do Your Will; NOT MINE!! Search my heart Lord and show me my inequities so that I can deal with them with the Power of the Holy Spirt. Breathe in, breathe out. Walk towards the way of the Christ. Listen to those who are speaking. Lay down my agenda and find where I can live out the truth, Today, Now, Now, Now, Now. Not later when I have a little more of all those things I want, that I want, Today I can hold someone's hand; today I can say thank you, today I can say I love you. I do. I do. I do. Love you all, especially a girl named Kristen.
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