How do I know how to live under such radical grace

I wish that I had more time to think and write about life and my relationship with Christ and with others. I feel that I have such a love for Christ and know that the unconditional love that He came to share with all of us is so unimaginable that words never do justice to the feelings that are conveyed. On the other side the image of God and therefore Christ, which is others and/or myself gives me alot more difficulty. I have difficulty, at times, giving that same unconditional love to myself. I often feel almost pharasical in my approach to myself. On the other hand, I feel that if I am not that critical than how serious am I really about following Christ. This is the paradox that I certainly have the most difficulty with. (Can someone explain the issue related to ending a sentence a preposition) I know that I am freed by Christ but on the other hand Christ said If you love Me, you will keep My commandmentsIf you love Me, you will keep My commandments. How can I truly do this? I often lament as did Paul that mind is willing but the flesh is weak. This is Paul saying this... How can I even measure up to such a standard. I am going to leave this post as it is and want to move on to something else. I want to be able to express myself without the weight that I often carry. I want joy to overtake my life and my family's life. I love you Jesus in the midst of some of the current confustion.